Love Community 2

CA LICENSE NO: PSY 15664 / HI LICENSE NO: PSY 1511

This is a rare opportunity to receive a judicial perspective on what is needed to be granted a domestic violence restraining order. The event is free to the public and qualifies for 2 hours of MCLE credits. The featured speakers range from Superior Court judges to divorce psychologists. The honorable Dwayne K. Moring and Margo Lewis will give the judge's perspective. Divorce Psychologist Dr. Lori Love with give the emotional perspective and Christine Pangan will discuss some of the logistics of obtaining both a temporary domestic violence restraining order and a more permanent order.

Each year more than 12.5 million people are physically abused, raped or stalked by their partners. Join Aloha Taylor and us in being part of the solution by raising awareness about domestic violence and helping the most vulnerable lives impacted by it. You can make a difference by lacing up and walking in Kathy’s Legacy Foundation’s BluePalooza 5K or sponsoring the walk. “Kathy’s Legacy Foundation is able to break through the red tape to provide needed resources for adults and children impacted by domestic violence. From giving these children something to smile about with free dental care to therapy and after school programs, “ says Divorce Psychologist and Kathy’s Legacy Foundation Board Member Dr. Lori Love.

Register here and join us in reviving hope!
http://www.kathyslegacy.org/registration/

Aloha 5k Small 500

CA LICENSE NO: PSY 15664 / HI LICENSE NO: PSY 1511

CA LICENSE NO: PSY 15664 / HI LICENSE NO: PSY 1511

During a divorce parents are often tempted to introduce their children to their new boyfriend or girlfriend. Divorce Psychologist Dr. Lori Love explains why that choice may not be in their children’s best interest.

Psychological services are offered through Love & Alvarez Psychology. Opinions expressed are subject to change without notice and are not intended as legal advice. All information is believed to be from reliable sources; however, we make no representation as to its completeness or accuracy. Intended for educational purposes only and not intended as individualized advice or a guarantee that you will achieve a desired result.

Love & Alvarez is investing in our community working to make it a better place for families going through the stress of divorce

Love Community 1

CA LICENSE NO: PSY 15664 / HI LICENSE NO: PSY 1511

CA LICENSE NO: PSY 15664 / HI LICENSE NO: PSY 1511

If you decided that splitting up is the best option for your marriage, listen to these relationship-changing tips by divorce psychologist Dr. Lori Love. From understanding the emotional issues that can go along with divorce to putting communication tools in place to make the process easier for your family, Dr. Love has helpful guidance on how to create a healthy dynamic during divorce.

Psychological services are offered through Love & Alvarez Psychology. Opinions expressed are subject to change without notice and are not intended as legal advice. All information is believed to be from reliable sources; however, we make no representation as to its completeness or accuracy. Intended for educational purposes only and not intended as individualized advice or a guarantee that you will achieve a desired result.

 christmas-xmas-christmas-tree-decorationMost loving parents want to provide their children with a special, magical celebration of the holidays. Most of us can remember Christmas or Hanukkah celebrations that are amongst the most cherished of childhood memories. So how does a responsible parent, going through a divorce keep from succumbing to the temptation to provide extra goodies to compensate for the divorce?

Most importantly, things can never compensate for the pain and loss that a child experiences from divorce. I have worked with many children of divorce and have had the chance to interview them during the process as well as when they reached adulthood. Not one child ever said, “Yeah, the divorce was a bummer but I loved my bike, gaming system, or new golf clubs.” If you find yourself trapped in the “one up” game with your former spouse, bow out gracefully. There is no upside to “winning” this game. Things simply cannot replace the disequilibrium that most children experience and work through during a separation and divorce. So what can you do?

Give your children the gift of a “drama-free” holiday celebration. Allow your children to experience cherished memories with each of their parents. Show approval and support instead of jealousy and contempt when your child shares positive experiences or stories about their time with the other parent. For instance if their Dad decides to take them skiing for the holiday break tell them, “That sounds super fun! I can’t wait to hear all about it. Your dad was one of the top skiers out of all of our friends in college, I bet he can really teach you some things.” A simple, neutral comment such as this is the sort of thing that adult children of divorce have reported to me meant the world to them at the time.

Treat your former spouse with dignity and respect, particularly in front of the children. Help your child to pick out a special gift for the other parent. It isn’t the child’s responsibility-they likely do not have a bank account or car so they need your help. The gift is not from you, it’s from your child. This is one of the most sacred things you can do for your child in the midst of a separation or divorce. Remember not worry if it doesn’t come back the other way. It is all about your child.

Start new traditions, play a family game with a final championship winner that does not have to do their chores for the week, share an experience together like attending a concert or learning a new skill, create a cherished memory or tradition, not an arsenal of gifts. In the end, you will have a healthier child and perhaps, a healthier pocketbook!

 

 

 

Dr. Lori Love Love & Alvarez Psychology CA LICENSE NO: PSY 15664
Dr. Lori Love
Love & Alvarez Psychology
CA LICENSE NO: PSY 15664

 

Psychological services are offered through Love & Alvarez Psychology. Opinions expressed are subject to change without notice and are not intended as legal advice. All information is believed to be from reliable sources; however, we make no representation as to its completeness or accuracy. Intended for educational purposes only and not intended as individualized advice or a guarantee that you will achieve a desired result.

Dr. Lori Love on ESPN Radio

Learn how to create a healthy family dynamic while you are going through a divorce. Listen to ESPN 1700 on Thursday, December 17th to hear Dr. Lori Love along with attorney  Carmen Ramos on Real Talk San Diego.

CA LICENSE NO: PSY 15664 / HI LICENSE NO: PSY 1511

Child Psychologist Dr. Lori Love appears on KFMB radio as an expert guest to give parents particle advice about how to help their children cope with the terror they see on TV. From terrorist attacks to school shootings there are things parents can do to help their children deal with the stress these events can cause and turn them into teachable moments. Click on the link below to hear about the specific steps you can take. https://youtu.be/TS1UjdoPz5Q

Helping Kids Cope with Terror
Helping Kids Cope with Terror

CA LICENSE NO: PSY 15664 / HI LICENSE NO: PSY 1511

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There is no such thing as "one size fits all" when it comes to the best way to celebrate the holidays in the midst of a separation or divorce. I get it, you feel like your hopes, dreams, and traditions have all gone up in smoke. You are a parent, but you are still a person who is likely to be going through their own grieving process. It is critical that you take care of yourself so that you can be emotionally available to your children. Many divorcing parents find comfort in a support group, therapy, or through journaling or yoga. Managing your own expectations is also critical in order to set a good role model for your children. So when it comes to making the decision as to when it is best to separate, before the holidays or after, what are you supposed to do?

Many couples consult my services each year around October in search of the answer to this question. These are the conscientious parents that want to seek professional advice prior to talking with their children about their upcoming separation. Frequently, one of the spouses has decided that they want to move on. The other spouse might agree upon the divorce but, they are openly or privately hoping that something will shift and a reconciliation will occur.

The couples most often ask me if they should stay together "for the sake of the children" through the holidays and wait to file for divorce in January. They often ask, "Is this a good idea?" My answer is usually, "That depends." Conflict is what causes problems for children, not divorce. If you and your spouse are capable of treating one another respectfully, not engaging in a cold war, and are emotionally capable of conducting business as usual, it may indeed be a nice idea to stay together until after the holidays. The problem that often arises is that the intentions of each parent are to conduct themselves with dignity, however, once the stress of the living situation, compounded by the stress of holidays is mixed with a little alcohol we create a recipe for conflict. The conflict is what then causes disruption for the children.

Another problem I usually address directly is that when couples stay together for the holidays it is usually the case that one spouse is ready to move things along and is further along in the process while the other is hoping for reconciliation. The spouse who is not as eager to separate is hoping that the nostalgia of the season, family holiday pictures and extended family gatherings will somehow persuade the leaving spouse to reconsider. Even if something like this occurs it is unlikely to be sustained. The spouse who feels left behind then has to go through the grieving process all over again when they find out that the leaving spouse truly was only present "for the sake of the children." I often see this causes greater pain and more resentment than before.

My answer is that staying together "for the sake of the children" is a lofty yet worthwhile goal that is certainly worth considering. I remind clients to consider that it requires both parents to love their children more than they hate one another.

Dr. Lori Love Love & Alvarez Psychology
Dr. Lori Love
Love & Alvarez Psychology

CA LICENSE NO: PSY 15664 / HI LICENSE NO: PSY 1511

Psychological services are offered through Love & Alvarez Psychology. Opinions expressed are subject to change without notice and are not intended as legal advice. All information is believed to be from reliable sources; however, we make no representation as to its completeness or accuracy. Intended for educational purposes only and not intended as individualized advice or a guarantee that you will achieve a desired result.